Send Your Inner Critic to Starbucks

“Hands” – by J. Dorchak
 
I have an inner critic.  Her name is Nelly… and sometimes she can get a bit negative.  When she longs to whisper negative things in my ear, I don’t give her a microphone: instead, I send her to Starbucks.
 
For me, those whispers are all about hands.  (Or, “Flippin’ hands!” as I sometimes call them.)  Nelly loves to tell me that I can’t draw hands. My mother is the artist in our family, my inner critic states matter-of-factly, because MOTHER could draw realistic hands!  Case in point: my mother’s drawing at the top of this post.  And she drew that with a couple of crayons, for goodness sake!
 

Flippin’ hands!

 
There was a time where I actually had to take this drawing down in my house, because Nelly was so over-the-top about my cartoon hands.  Not any more, though.  Nowadays, when my Negative Nelly is tempted to rear her not-so-supportive head, I’ve learned to send her to Starbucks. Okay, not literally. But I acknowledge that she’s there, I give her a hug, I send her off to Starbucks for a while – where she can work on whatever she wants – and I retrain my attention completely on the task at hand.
 
For a long time, that was easier said than done. Honestly, it wasn’t until I started working as a graphic facilitator that I learned how to make friends with my inner critic.  The trick – for me, at any rate – is to be so fully present in what I’m doing that there’s no room for the negative talk, let alone thoughts in general.
 

When the mind is empty, there’s no room for the inner critic.

 
So how do you empty your mind without being a meditation master?  Two words: classical conditioning. If you’ve ever heard of Pavlov’s dog, it’s the same idea: I have conditioned myself to respond in a certain way when a certain activity or stimulus is applied.  For Pavlov’s dog, every time a bell rang the dog received his dinner.  So when the dog heard the bell, his brain expected dinner.  The dog would even start to drool.  The association got so strong that Pavlov could ring the bell and NOT provide the food, and his dog would still drool in anticipation.
 
With my brain, it’s the same thing.  Basically, I’ve learned to associate a state of non-critical focus – or being in Flow – with certain audio and kinesthetic cues. I use a specific playlist on my iPod and it cues me to focus. I set up my paper for a graphic recording project and my inner critic packs up her Starbucks bag.  I use a certain pen and it gives me permission to draw hands imperfectly.
 

It works because I consciously decided that these would be my cues to send my inner critic off to get a latte.

 
So I only use that specific playlist when I work in the studio.  I only set up large paper when I’m getting ready to be completely present to a group’s process.  I only use Prismacolor chisel point black pens (yes, for me it’s that specific) for my visual notes and smaller-scale drawings.
 
Perhaps for you it means that there’s a special notebook or pen that allows you to doodle and draw and work visually without consequence or repercussion. Whatever works for you is the way to go.  But do it consciously.  When I use these cues, I’m letting my inner critic know that we’re about to go “game on,” and I’ll see her later when I’m all done with what I need to do.
 
Which brings me to an important point:
 

Please note that I did not say FIRE your inner critic.  She’s actually on your side.

 
She means well, and – thanks to some poor communication skills learned over the years – simply doesn’t express herself particularly well at times. Yes, my inner critic is sometimes a Negative Nelly.  She is also the one who helps push me draw better hands, though… and I value that. She’s constructive, she helps me grow. and now she celebrates with me when I draw a hand that makes me happy.  (Like this one!)