“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. . . to be alive is to be vulnerable.” -Madeleine L’Engle
Yesterday I got a message from someone who had just received their copy of Draw Forth from Amazon.com. They were so excited to receive the book, and were looking forward to reading it that evening.
When I read their note, I just about crapped my pants from fright.
“Oh dear sweet baby Jesus, someone’s actually going to READ my book!”
Which is silly, because when you write a book there’s a certain hope–if not assumption–that SOMEONE will read it. Otherwise, why write a book in the first place?
And yet, now that I am no longer working on the book, I’m discovering a deep feeling of vulnerability about sharing what I’ve created with you. Actually, I’m feeling downright afraid.
Feeling the Fear
Now is the time when my work goes off into the world, in front of people I know and people I don’t. What are people going to think of it? What are they going to say?
Part of me is afraid that people will criticize or reject what I’ve written because it’s not perfect, or because with all the editing we still missed a typo.
Part of me is afraid that people will criticize or reject what I’ve written because it does not speak directly to them or it misses some key element or information they would have preferred to see as part of the book.
Some might think the book is too short. Others might think the book is too long. Some might find it too simple. Others might find it too complex.
At the bottom of it all, I am afraid of looking like a jackass for putting out a book that did not please everyone. Even though I know that it could never do so.
Giving Thanks for Fear
And yet, through all these crazy thoughts and emotions washing over me as my book gains a life of its own, there is an overarching–or grounding–emotion that overwhelms the rest: gratitude.
I am so grateful for my fears and insecurities right now.
I give thanks that I have moved out of my safe and comfortable zone of familiarity, and have ventured into uncharted waters.
Instead of wishing that I would write or create something, and never actually doing it, I have taken the risk and have created a book that is well-received so far and Good Enough to get my ideas across.
Instead of playing small and safe, I have stepped up and made myself visible. (Aack!)
I have made myself vulnerable.
By making myself vulnerable I get to give myself a tremendous gift: I get to face my fears and pass through them. I get to discover what is on the other side.
“Ultimately we know deeply that the other side of every fear is freedom. -Marilyn Ferguson
What could be possible on the other side of your fears? Let me know in the comments below.
I cannot wait to see what you draw forth!
