The Opposite of Overwhelm

I’ve had three separate conversations about overwhelm with entrepreneurs in the last 24 hours. These folks were all working on REMARKABLE projects with potential for real, national impact. The work clearly thrilled and excited them…and yet at the same time completely overwhelmed them by the sheer enormity of the tasks ahead to pull it off, the stakes involved, and the pressure to get everything right.
 
One entrepreneur described her overwhelm as a dragon that was blocking her path…one that she had to go out there and slay or she’d never move forward.
 

Do We Have to Slay the Dragon?

 
Now, I don’t know about you, but feeling like I have to slay a dragon of Overwhelm makes me feel…well, COMPLETELY overwhelmed!
 
I don’t believe things like anxiety or overwhelm are things we are supposed to “get rid of.” We’re living human beings, after all. Our brains are wired to respond and react to threats in different ways, and our physiology causes our bodies to respond and react to those stressors in different ways as well. The purpose of these responses is to give us data we can use to affect behavior moving forward. So the only time we’ll really get rid of anxiety or overwhelm is when we’re dead. And even then, I’m just guessing!
 
No, the trick isn’t to make it go away, or to slay that dragon. The trick is to make friends with it and to find its opposite. And that brings us to my old friend, Milarepa.
 

The Story of Milarepa…told with some artistic license!

 
Buddhist legend has it that there was this monk named Milarepa who lived thousands of years ago. And as wise monks tended to do back then, Milarepa lived in a cave where he meditated, studied the dharma, and led an otherwise peaceful life.
 

 
Until.
 
One day he was out gathering firewood, when he returned to his cave and discovered that it had been overrun by demons. Crazy eyed, horned, big fanged, drooling ol’ demons…they were all OVER the place in his cave!
 

 
At first, Milarepa didn’t know what to do. Then he thought, “I’ll drive these demons out!” Grabbing a broom, he started rushing about his cave, waiving his broom at the demons and shouting out “shoo! shoo!”
 

 
The demons looked at him with amusement, and didn’t budge.
 
Next, Milarepa thought, “well, I’m supposed to be a Buddhist. I know, I’ll teach these demons the dharma and they’ll become so enlightened they’ll have to go away!” So he struck a meditation pose and began to recite the wisdom of the great Buddhist teachings.
 

 
The demons sat looking back at him, as if they were patting him on the head and saying, “oh honey, that’s so cute.”
 
Well, that really got Milarepa’s goat! And he lost it. He got good and mad, and started hollering and screaming at those demons to GET OUT!
 

 
Again, the demons didn’t budge.
 
Finally, Milarepa looked at all of the demons in his cave. He turned to them and said, “Well, it looks like you have come to stay. If you’re going to be here, then let make you feel at home. Come in, my friends! Please sit and rest for a while. May I offer you some refreshment? I’ve got some very good Oolong tea that you might enjoy…”
 
POOF!
 

 
All of the demons instantly disappeared, except for one. The biggest, most saucer-eyed, fangiest one of them all. He was still there, staring at Milarepa with those big ol’ eyes.
 
Milarepa looked at the demon, sighed, and gave up.
 
“Demon, I know that there’s nothing I can do against someone as big and powerful as you. I also know that you’re not going anywhere. I’ve tried rushing you out, I’ve tried yelling you out. I’ve tried teaching you the dharma, and I’ve tried welcoming you into my home. The only thing left for me to do is to lay my head in your mouth, I suppose. Do as you will.”
 
Completely letting go of any resistance or expectations, Milarepa laid his head inside the demon’s mouth.
 
POOF!
 

 
Just like that, the demon was gone.
 

The Opposite of Overwhelm

 
This story was a huge teacher for me. (It’s so important that I’ve included it in my forthcoming book.) I suppose it’s because I see a lot of myself in that early Milarepa…trying to assuage my fears and anxieties by denying them, fighting them, arguing with them, or trying to make myself better than them.
 
When really, the opposite of Overwhelm is to yield. To let go. To completely surrender. Even to lose.
 
It’s in losing the battle against his demons that Milarepa wins the war.
 
In all of Milarepa’s early attempts to rid the demons from his cave, he focused on the demons. The things he couldn’t control. When we focus externally on our fears, anxieties, and overwhelm, we tend to get the same result: they look back at us with an amused expression as we do silly crazy dances to drive them away. “Isn’t that cute?” they say to each other. “He’s trying to make us go away. Silly little human.”
 
It’s only when Milarepa gives up trying to affect the demons, and turns inward to what he can affect – himself and his own responses/reactions to the demons – that he sees a difference. He chooses to make friends with his fears, anxieties, and overwhelm…because, honestly, they really aren’t going anywhere. It’s part of the package of being alive. So rather than resist, he gets to know them and make friends with them. And he can learn to recognize them when they visit again. When they do, or when he notices feelings of anxiety or overwhelm popping up, he can see them for what they are and let them go.
 
I’ve had my share of demons popping up in my cave over the course of my life. (Oh goodness, have I!) And I used to try all sorts of ways to drive them away so I could be safe and at peace. Turns out, the only way to achieve that (for me, at least) is to stop focusing on the things I cannot affect, and to focus on the things I can: my own responses and behaviors to the things happening in my life.
 
There’s no slaying of dragons here. I love my dragons, my demons. They are my friends, my life-long companions. Over time, we have come to recognize and understand each other. And because they are my friends, they help me live the kind of life I want. When Overwhelm starts popping in for tea, I can recognize it. I also know that regardless of what I’m doing, the best thing I can do is stop, sit down with my old friend, offer some tea, find out why he’s here, and respond to what that brings up in me.
 

 
I don’t fight through Overwhelm any more, and I don’t fake my way through it. I’ve learned from experience that those approaches don’t really work, and leave me feeling even more of a failure because I couldn’t drive that demon away through sheer force of will. When I try to slay it, or silence it, I miss out on the gifts it brings to me when I simply surrender and spend a moment catching up with my old friend.

What does your Overwhelm truly need from you? What does it need you to give yourself? Because THAT’S what it’s truly there for: to remind us to give ourselves the things we need, when we need them.

I cannot wait to see what you draw forth.