19 August, 2021
I meet with my mentor, Dr. Judi Neal, today about my bigness goals. Yesterday I did some thinking around what I want to focus on. Today I’d like to really crystalize things so Judi and I can go next level with our coaching.
I want to grow bigger as a practitioner-researcher in my playspace: that nexus of creativity, consciousness, and organizational transformation. If there’s a one-or-few-word phrase for what that actually boils down to, that would be amazing.
I want to own the internal transformationist space.
I have a lot to learn and a lot to give in this space in addition to working full time and getting my Ph.D. full time. Time to focus in and keep my eyes on the prize, as it were. There are lots of bright, shiny things out there that I simply do not need to pay attention to. They’ll siphon away focus and energy and other resources from making progress on the things that matter.
So what are the things that matter, then?
- Over the next academic year, I will be leaning into my methodology choice and getting ready to create my dissertation proposal.
- Over the next year, I will be growing into my next-level own through my work at McCarthy. Innovation, shifting people’s perceptions of me away from “the marker girl” to “the mastermind” or “the magician”.
This feels like a “publish or perish” time for me, but I don’t know if that’s true or only self-imposed. Start building my presence now, start building my expertise now, so that by the time I finish my PhD I’m not a new PhD but someone with some seasoning and cred under her belt. Say, for consideration by other universities for inviting me to lecture or join their faculty.
Do I want to teach full-time? No. I don’t think so. I’m not into politics, and that domain seems to be awash in political machinations. I’m also no longer into poverty and prefer to be well compensated for what I do. Scott Barry Kaufman’s coaching program, for example, charges $1000 a session. Plus online group classes are extra. I would like to be affiliated with a university for research purposes, though. For some reason, I think I need to be connected with – or supported by the credibility of – a university for my research to thrive and be taken seriously. That piece I do want. Maybe once a year I teach a course that’s in demand, so the course itself is like an event. That could give me the university affiliation and the teaching opportunity in a way that keeps it fresh, novel, and energizing.
Do I want to continue to work at McCarthy full-time? I like the paycheck and I like the opportunity to make a difference at real, meaningful levels. Am I okay with floating in this organization as a director for the next five years? Is there some serious power I can infuse that role with so that it transcends any “she’s been in the same position in that company for ten years” vibe? It becomes more of a “we don’t know how to support her within our existing system so she’s free to do whatever the hell she wants however she wants, because it’s so worth it to us to support that.” That I would be good with. Stagnation, not so much.
At some point with my dissertation I will – I may – need to consider an exit strategy with McCarthy. Or if not an exit strategy, then a “pumping the brakes” strategy. Shifting my work hours down to 30, perhaps. Keep the benefits, keep the paycheck, and make more space to dive deeply into my research and dissertation process.
Do I want to be a consultant? I did love my business. It might be nice to be part of a team, though, so I don’t have to be the only one holding everything up. My business was a personality brand – you were going to work with ME, that was the value. How does a team work? Do I feel a need to have it be my team, or can I comfortably play on someone else’s team? I do believe quite strongly in things, so whatever direction that goes, I would need to collaborate with people who are seriously and strongly aligned. Spirit animals. I want to partner with my spirit animals and elevate us all.
What would I focus on now as a consultant-researcher? I would want to work with individuals struggling with or finding their way as internal transformationists. I would want to work with these transformationists to help increase their influence and efficacy in their organizations. I would want to help them gain increasing clarity within so that their clarity may amplify their effectiveness and power for what they do. I would want to help organizations (leaders and managers) recognize and understand their transformationists: care and feeding of your unicorn for max amazingness and results. Because we are fragile creatures who feel our environments terribly. So organization, if you like what your internal transformationists bring to the table and accomplish in your company, then don’t crush them on purpose or on accident.
Do I want TUAI Bridges to have a part in all this? Yes. It’s foundational to how I think. Do others think like me with this stuff? I’d love to find out.
Do I want self-actualization and transcendence/inscendence in the mix? Yes. If I am Kaufman’s (2020) sailboat, then TUAI-Bridges is my transformation map, making me a more skillful sailor.
What do I want or need to write about, laying a path to these future states?
