The year was 1994. I was in my poor little 1978 Toyota Celica hatchback–held together by prayers, rust and duct tape, and with a sunroof that leaked like a sieve–driving home from a evening college class in the rain after a long day at work. I was tired, I was drained, I was wet from the rain seeping through that sunroof, and all I wanted to do was get home.
Then it happened: my car began to stutter and gasp, to slow and stall, finally coasting to a stop along the side of the 805 freeway. Working for a nonprofit at the time, I was beyond poor, and the last thing I needed — the last thing I could AFFORD — was for my car to have a problem.
Sitting in that driver’s seat on the side of the road, something inside of me snapped. I started screaming, sobbing, beating my fists against the steering wheel. I was swept up in a rager of a pity party, angry at everything that had gone wrong with my life so far: abusive childhood, failed marriage, lost son, friends killed by war, my piece of shit car, my piece of shit life. Spent, I collapsed against the steering wheel, quietly sobbing.
That’s when I heard a quiet voice inside of my head say, “Breathe, Jeannel. Just breathe. Take in a deep breath.”
So I did. I took in a deep breath, and exhaled. Then I did it again.
Somehow that breathing helped me to separate from all the junk I was throwing about inside my head, and I could see what was going on right now. I could see that my car stalled out next to a call box. I could remember that I had AAA. I could realize that I was actually safe and okay. And I could see that my gas gauge needle was firmly buried under “E”. Things were not as bad as I thought. I could handle this. Things could be okay. I got out of my car, went to the call box, told them about my AAA membership (this was before cell phones were all over the place), and within a few minutes a tow truck came with a supply of gas to get me back on my way.
It wasn’t a major disaster in my life, but it was a major moment: this was when I realized that my reaction was a choice, and that I could change my choice. This was when I first stumbled upon the power of mindfulness in the present moment. And this was when I first consciously began to draw forth the best in myself every day.
Mindfulness draws forth
I share this story with you so that you understand that being mindful isn’t something I simply do after a yoga class: it’s how I live my life. I believe in mindfulness, in being present and intentional with how I live my life. I choose to be present each day, take in every moment I can, savor the good, and learn from the not-so-great. Some days I do a better job than others, but this is always my intention: to be present for my life and draw forth the best of myself and others along the way.
What’s interesting is that being intentional, mindful, and present actually help me have better visual conversations and ultimately draw forth each day.
How, you ask? Well, when we are present to what is going on around us, all of a sudden something magical happens. . . we start to really SEE the world and experience life. These experiences become fuel for ideas when we have visual conversations. And not only do you have more plentiful visual ideas, you also are more in tune with who you are and what you want in life, and that always helps us draw forth our best self, because we know what we want that best self to look like AND we know how to show up for it.
So instead of talking about ways to have better visual conversations or draw forth more of ourselves, today I want to talk about how to be more mindful, present, and intentional each day. This way, the visual conversations and drawing forth will simply be a groovy byproduct. (By the way, if you want to know how to practice more visual conversations each day you can check out this past post that can help you do just that.)
Three tips for drawing forth more mindfulness each day
1. Put the phone down:
I know. . . did I just say that?! Be without your technology for a minute?? How could you?! I mean, if there is an important moment, why not catch it? Why NOT share it with everyone on social media?? While I agree that there is a time for capturing moments, don’t forget that when you pick your phone up to take a picture you have just put up a wall between you and the experience. You are literally looking at it through a lens, instead of enjoying it right then and there. Give yourself a moment to take it all in: how does the experience make you feel, what do you see and smell? Why is this moment important? Allow it all to sink in for a minute, then you can grab the phone and capture it should you choose. You would be amazed at how often we miss out on the power of a moment in our efforts to capture it for all posterity.
(When I went on my 20th anniversary trip, I think I took all of three pictures to commemorate the experience. The most powerful reminder of our time together? An abalone shell Jamie found on a beach walk and gave to me. . . worn and shaped by the ocean to look like a heart! When we stop looking for the things to remember, the things worth remembering will find us naturally. . .)
2. Breathe through your nose:
Yep, you heard that right: don’t just breathe, breathe through your nose. It’s not just about taking a deep breath, although that is great for you; it’s about allowing your sense of smell to help heighten your experience of that particular event. Our sense of smell has a memory, and when we allow it to be triggered it can really bring us to a whole new level of experience. Breathe in through your nose and allow your past and present to find their way together for a whole new experience. Try it sometime and see how much it makes a difference.
(When I’m on travel, I fall asleep listening to Jeff Bridges’ Sleeping Tapes. On one of the tracks, Jeff leads you through a visualization of walking with him through Temescal Canyon. As you start walking with Jeff through the canyon, he comments on the sap flowing through the trees and asks if you can smell the sap. After a moment, he replies, “Yeah, you can smell it!” This has become a guiding question for me during my waking hours as well: can I smell the tree sap? It always brings me back to the present moment and my present surroundings.)
3. Actually tell yourself to savor the moment:
Think you can always remember to be in the present? I can tell you from experience that being continually mindful is no easy task: it is a constant practice and it is SO easy to forget! Life seems to go by so fast and things get in the way, and being mindful seems to become a practice of remembering to return to the present moment more than anything else. So why not help yourself remember by stopping for a moment each day and saying to yourself–out loud, of course–to remember to savor the moments today. You can do it several times a day if you like, or make it a morning routine. The point isn’t just to savor the important moments: we need to learn to savor the moments we usually let pass by unnoticed. Like that perfect breeze that causes the trees to make that beautiful sound of rustling leaves, or that little look that someone you love gives you without realizing it. Tell yourself to savor those, and my verbally reminding yourself, you will take them in more, experience them more, and remember them more.
(When I’m out and about, I use three things that automatically remind me to stop and savor. First, I have momentary reminders built into the calendar on my computer and smartphone, so I will receive alerts reminding me to be present. Even better, though, are my two non-technology reminders: 1) the feel of the rising sun kissing my forehead, and 2) any “stop” light or signal I encounter while driving. These are my automatic reminders to stop and savor!)
Cultivating your practice
Being mindful isn’t a “one and done” experience. Like anything that is important, we have to continue to practice, reflect and assess in order to make sure it stays a part of our lives. If we want to continue to draw forth the best in ourselves, it’s not just about drawing our future self or learning to have visual conversations. . . these are useful foundations, but it is more about the daily intention: making it a HABIT to draw forth, to see how we will integrate this idea into each day. This is when we are truly tapping into the power of drawing forth the best of ourselves. This is when we can truly receive and appreciate all that we have.
And there is so (SO!) much in our lives to be thankful for. Even when we have tough challenges or things aren’t going our way, even when a stalled-out car is the straw that breaks the camel’s back, there are little things we can look to for motivation and strength. Being mindful, present and living with intention helps us to appreciate more, and makes those tough times seem not so tough.
When you find one of those wonderful moments that you might have missed, but were able to truly enjoy, then you can supercharge the effects by drawing something to represent that moment. For instance, you if you really enjoyed listening to the rustling in the trees one particular day, then you can draw a tree with a few leaves twirling off in the wind. By drawing something to really commemorate the moment, you are helping to put it to paper with one beautiful visual that will help you always remember. It is like a visual journal. The more you practice this, the more you will remember to be mindful, and the more you will grow your visual vocabulary. (You can learn more about that in this past post.)
So here is my invitation to you: use one of my ideas above, or come up with your own to help you savor more amazing moments, and then draw it out. Post it on Twitter and let me know at @JeannelKing or join the Draw Forth Playspace Facebook Group and post your picture there! With just a simple image we can draw forth a bit more mindfulness in ourselves and each other!
I cannot WAIT to see what you draw forth!
